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Question:
relationship confussion!!!
Dear Dr. Mark, I am an almost 20 year old young lady and I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 2 years. We have broken up for the second time now and he just wants to be friends. He wants to nave sexual contact with other girls since he has only been with 2 girls(me and one other girl). My question is, should I just wait for him to get this out of his system or move on?
Relationship confused, Vacaville

Response:

Given your age of only 19 I can only assume your ex-boyfriend is fairly young as well.  It seems like he has the better perspective right now.  In other words, it sounds like he is saying that he realizes that given his youth, he does not feel like he is ready to completely settle down with one person.  As such, I think you would ultimately be doing yourself a disservice if you simply put your life on hold and waited for him to "work this out of his system."  I also do not see how you can realistically be his friend.  I know this may not be what you want to hear but think about it for a moment.  Could you really be his friend and listen to his dating stories and experiences with other women????  I seriously doubt this would be a good experience for you.  Utlimately, I would  hope that you follow his lead and recognize that you have so much more personal and emotional development in front of you and allow yourself the opportunity to have a wide variety of life's experience before settling down in a relationship.
Dr. Mark
January 09 2006

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